Sacklunch | One Stop Droppings

Latest Update: July 8 , 2002

THE POWER ISSUE
Behind the Scenes of an Advertorial Decision.

In this Sacklunch exclusive, we reprint the official transcript of the advertorial meeting that plotted the course of Surfer Magazine's most blatant advertiser plug yet.

12:31: THE MEETING ROOM AT SURFER MAGAZINE

Present (in order of self-importance): Sam George and Kevin Meehan (tie), Rick Irons, Chris Mauro, Steve Barilotti, Jason Murray, Jeff Canham.

KEVIN MEEHAN AND SAM GEORGE (Shouting simultaneously): Order! Order! I'm calling this meeting to order!

There is a stare down, the classic edit vs. advertising conflict. Kevin and Sam stand and stare at each other as the rest of the staff look embarrassed, and cough. Rick Irons isn't paying attention. He is talking about Ricky Irons. Kevin backs down, this time. He has a hot date after the meeting and wants to get it over with.

SAM GEORGE: Okay we've got this whopping mega-big issue to fill and we ran out of good ideas right before the Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll triple-fiasco. Anyone? Anyone?

RICK IRONS: So this one day at Pipeline Ricky was sitting behind Gerry Lopez and Gerry says to Ricky. . .

SAM GEORGE, KEVIN MEEHAN, CHRIS MAURO, STEVE BARILOTTI: Ricky! Stop talking about yourself and pay attention!!!!

RICK IRONS: But Ricky was talking about this time Ricky and Gerry. . .

SAM GEORGE: We have issues here. Power issues. We have a huge issue to fill and we need to get cracking. Kevin has a date and I have to go see a counselor and. . ..

KEVIN MEEHAN: I like the idea of The Most Powerful Men in the Surf Industry.

CHRIS MAURO (Under his breath): Probably because you fancy yourself on that list...

STEVE BARILOTTI: Nobody cares about the surf industry. It's an oxymoron, anyway.

SAM GEORGE: Where's the surf stoke?

KEVIN MEEHAN: Surf stoke? I'm talking advertising dollars here. I'm talkin' about ah ah ah ah stayin' alive. Stayin' alive.

SAM GEORGE: Well how do we determine who the Most Powerful People are? Is it surfing ability?

KEVIN MEEHAN: Advertising.

STEVE BARILOTTI: Influence on the sport/art?

KEVIN MEEHAN: Advertising!

RICK IRONS: So Ricky said to Briley, I said. "Look Shawn, the next time you do that, Ricky is gonna. . ."

KEVIN, SAM, CHRIS, STEVE, JASON: RICKY!!!!!!!

RICK IRONS: Ricky thinks Ricky should determine who the most powerful surf industry people are.

SAM AND KEVIN: Why?

RICK IRONS: Because Ricky surfs Pipe and has hot cousins.

Sam is paged by Ruth. Brother Matt is calling, and it sounds like a crisis. Sam gets up to leave-reluctantly, suspiciously. As soon as he is gone, Kevin jumps up on the table and starts singing, "I gots the power" and doing a dance, shaking his hands over his head and swaying his hips.

KEVIN MEEHAN: I'm in charge here, and I say we determine the Most Powerful by advertising. Who is our top advertiser? Anyone? Anyone?

RICK IRONS: Quiksilver.

KEVIN MEEHAN: Then it's easy. Bob McKnight is the most powerful, as in, "How do I love thee, let me count the ads?" Who is our second biggest advertiser?

RICK IRONS: Hurley.

KEVIN MEEHAN: Well okay then, Hurley is second.

STEVE BARILOTTI: Maybe we should mix it up a little, put in guys who are still good surfers in between some of the advertisers.

KEVIN MEEHAN: Hey, not a bad idea for an editorial guy. Let's do that. Bit of a smokescreen.

RICKY IRONS: Ricky thinks Andy and Bruce should be second and third.

KEVIN MEEHAN: Why?

RICKY IRONS: Because their last name is Irons, and they surf Pipe.

KEVIN MEEHAN: Oh.

STEVE BARILOTTI: Should we do this at all? I mean, are we a surf magazine, or a retail outlet.

Meehan and Ricky both shoot Barilotti an incredulous look.

RICKY: Note to self. Stop telling the editorial guys about these editorial meetings.

MEEHAN: Barlo, join us here on Planet Reality. You want to read a surf magazine, read The Surfers Journal. You want to buy over-priced shoes, read Surfer.

At this point Sam rushes back in, sniffing the air for intrigue.

SAM GEORGE: What happened? What did I miss?

KEVIN MEEHAN: Oh, nothing, nothing. We got it figured out. Next decision to make: Should we put some actual female surfers on the cover, or just the Roxy models I want to nail?

POWER OUTAGE AFTERMATH

As an epilogue to the pilfered minutes that shaped Surfer's latest big advertorial issue, these are the minutes to the edit meeting which reviewed the success of the issue.

9:30 am. Chris Mauro rushes into the Surfer offices, late, after a morning session at Salt Creek. He arrives to find the meeting strangely subdued.

RICKY IRONS: Yesterday Ricky surfed Big Rock and Ricky got the best wave of the afternoon and these guys were saying, "Dude, that's Ricky Irons. He surfs Pipe."

Chris surveys the meeting room and is bewildered to see both Sam George and Kevin Meehan with their heads down on the conference table, sobbing.

Chris is alarmed. He isn't used to seeing the two power figures of Surfer so openly distraught.

CHRIS: What happened? Was Quiksilver not pleased? Did Hurley pull ads? Did O'Neill get pissed because we left out Pat? I thought the Power Issue was a great issue, a blatant, brilliant melding of advertising and editorial.

Sam and Kevin continue sobbing, oblivious to Chris' questions.

Chris walks over and puts a hand on Sam's shoulder, at which point Sam raises up and roars like a T Rex.

SAM: WE FORGOT BILL SHARP

Sam puts his head back down and bawls like a baby, but his outburst inspires Kevin to express his grief and doubt and fear.

MEEHAN: And Gomes!!!! We left Paul Gomes off the Power list. How could I be so stupid???? He's Top 10, at least!!!!!!

RICKY IRONS: Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Ricky was talking to Eddie Rothman yesterday and Eddie said, "Brah, how come you leave 'em off the Power List? You don't get no respect? You want I crush you?" Maybe we should have had Eddie on there, somewhere.

At which point Chris leaves the office and goes back to surf Creek some more and rinse away all the grime of a once-proud surf magazine.