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These are the Chronicles of Famous Surf Writer Ben Marcus and his trip into the Wilds of the Alaskan Frontier.
Latest Update:
September 15, 2000

20:47. COURTENAY, B.C., CANADA

Aw geez, Margie. You know how the people talked in the movie Fargo? There was a musician on the CBC who talked like that, for real. Aw geez.

Aw geez is what I was saying as the van was running out of gas on a rural road in the middle of nowhere, a few klicks (sorry for the Nam slang) north of Courtenay, as the sun was setting.

I went wandering off as usual, thinking I was on Highway 19 toward Port Hardy, and forgetting that I had left civilization low on gas. I wasn't on Highway 19, although it was a veyr nice rural road. I started running out but I pushed on, thinking I'd link back up with the highway, eventually.

I didn't. I began heading for the Mt. Washington ski area, going uphill and making the engine bog.

I turned around and headed back for Courtenay, which was 14 klicks away. I knew I wasn't going to make it, and the next 15 minutes or so was as stressful as the border crossing at BC. I was running the engine then coasting, hoping I could make it back before running out of gas in the middle of a field somewhere.

At one point I got stuck behind a horse trailer going even slower than me. And I cursed. Aw geez, Margie.

I didn't have any petrol in either of the petrol cans, because petrol isn't allowed on ferries, remember? And I am a law-abiding citizen. I would never intentionally break the law: local, state or federal.

So I was stressing because it was getting dark and I was out in the middle of no where, with the engine going, "ƒw Geez."

And then, I remembered something brother Dan and I had bought on one of our shopping excursion in Lynnwood. It was a product called Rescue, a fuel additive made for Barneys like me who run out of gas in the middle of no where. The engine gave up the ghost so I pulled over in front of a barn, hopped upon the roof, found the Rescue (which I wasn't exactly sure I exactly had) and also pulled out the gas cans, which were definitely going to get filled.

So I made it. Courtenay was just around the corner anyway, but that was a nice little bit of stress, and a warning to keep extra petrol in the car, screw the law.

I threw the girl behind the counter $35, and she came out when the counter hit $73. Gas is fricking expensive here, even if you discount the money 36per cent.

I'm in Courtenay now, a nice little town with an internet cafe on every corner. This is the second Internet cafe I've been in today, and a very nice one, with big screens. Clean and well lighted, and all like that.

I was in one earlier today, checking up on e-mail and bank accounts and such while four women in blue sequined dresses sang a cappella barber shop stuff.

Prior to that, I spent the morning driving out of Tofino, back through the Mackenzie Range. Along the way I saw a motorist in distress, pulled to the side in a blue Isuzu Trooper with surfboards on the roof.

"Ben Marcus? The Ben Marcus?" he didn't say.

I turned around and asked if he needed help. Apparently his fuel injector had crapped out. Another motorist went ahead to tell the BCAA, and I went the other direction, vowing to call the BCAA on the other side to make sure they got the call.

In my haste to do a good deed, along the way I stopped to fish the Kennedy River when I saw some black and red torpedos moving upriver, visible from the road.

I threw a pink, weighted salmon fly out there, but these fish were already torn up and had eternity on their minds.

Called BCAA from the first phone, and the dispatcher said she'd already gotten the call.

Then I headed north again, on Highway 19, looking for Internet cafes and looking for the best way to get to Port Hardy, my next goal.

Along the way I got really tired, so I slept at a rest stop for awhile, listening to the CBC. I like the CBC. They're talking about the Olympics right now, and a Canadian woman who was favored to win the triathlon, but crashed her bike. They're also talking about a 30-foot pleasure boat that was run over by a BC Ferry two days ago. The pleasure boat turned directly under the bow of the giant ferry, and was crushed underneath. Killed the skipper and badly injured his wife. He was deaf. That must have been it. Aw geez, Margie.

After the rest stop I pulled into Courtenay and the rest you know. Really glad I'm not stuck out with the cows right now, feeling very stupid.

That was my day. How was yours?

Send more e-mails.

Ben

 

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September 18, 2000
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