These are the Chronicles of Famous Surf Writer Ben Marcus and his trip into the Wilds of the Alaskan Frontier.
Latest Update: September 8, 2000

BROTHER'S HOUSE IN LYNNWOOD

Hello everyone,

Anyone getting tired of all this?

I am, a little.

So don't read it. I just write it to make notes to myself, for the memoirs or the lawsuit or whatever.

Two confessions:

I never know what day of the week it is. I have to look at my high-tech Nike Watch. Yesterday I looked and saw it was Thursday and I was shocked. Tuesday, maybe. But Thursday? Naw.

Is that good or bad? Days of the week are arbitrary, anyway, just another limitation pressed on us by the man. To keep us down. It's a Starbucks conspiracy. Or whatever. I've been up north too long.

The other confession is that I'm wearing suspenders. I bought them at an Army Surplus Store in Moss Landing many months before I left, but I was afraid of them. But now that I'm 40, I figure, what the hell. Everyone else up here wears them, so I thought I'd blend in. Hey, they're comfortable. Keep my pants up and all that.

Anyway, with my soul cleansed I will report that I came to Lynnwood on a special mission: To find a AAA and get some maps. I assume they have maps of Canada. Hope they do.

Looked at one of my brother's maps of Vancouver Island last night and realized I can check out Jordan River and Tofino on my way north.

It's time to blow the roof off those places, like we did with Mavericks.

Secrets? There are no secrets. I'm a surf journalist.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Kidding.

Anyway, yesterday, through the miracle of cellular communications, I talked to fourth-generation Washingtonian Jeff Galbraith. He said there was a big swell aiming for the Strait of Juan de Fuckya!, and to keep my eyes peeled.

Ever been to a lake or some other land-locked body of water and saw perfect points and said to yourself, "If only there was swell in here!"

That's what the stretch of coast from Sequim to Neah Bay is like. There are all kinds of groovy set-ups, and most of the time it does look like a lake. But it does get swell and I'd like to see Elwha River and Crescent Beach and places like that all lit up.

I can practice blowing the roof off of secret spots in Wasington before I go to Canada. I GOTS THE POWER!!!!! I WORK FOR A WEBSITE!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sorry.

Anyway. Maybe I will see it throbbing. Maybe I won't.

You special people will be the first to know.

I can't say anymore about the Swell/Hardcloud merger rumors because I get in trouble.

I found my "Yankee in Kamchatka" video tape while rooting through the storage locker for the millionth time. I watched it with mom (whose Tv takes 20 minutes to warm up, hillbilly) and got a little bummed. Kamchatka is a whopping big surf adventure, just waiting to be plucked. The place really is almost virginal. There is nothing there except for those reindeer herders that look like Gerry Lopez, bear, mosquitos, salmon, steelhead, volcanos and lots of left-over Soviet off-road military hardware.

I still want to go. I shall go. Next year I'm going to send a copy of that tape to all contenders and get them stoked up.

As for immediate plans, I'm going to stall around Washington a bit because the BC Ferries get cheaper after September 18 (see below for details).

I'll be crossing from Port Angeles and entering Canada through Victoria.

"Guns? I abhor guns Officer.... Doright. Oh, except for that 12 gauge and the rifled slugs hanging from the ceiling. Bear, you understand, Mr. Doright.

"Hand guns? Never, sir. Not me. Don't smoke. Don't drink and I only shoot the long stuff. Handguns are made for killin', they ain't no good for nothin' else, Officer Doright. Canada has got it going on in that department, Officer Doright of the RCMP."

That'll work. Sweet talk them. Some of that thousand-watt Benny Boy charm. Maybe he's read my stuff. Probably get a Key to the Province, or something.

From Victoria I'll be driving up Vancouver Island to Port Hardy, to get a ferry to Prince Rupert, to get a ferry to the Queen Charlotte Islands, which look awfully nice online.

It turns out that my van with the roof rack and the plastic boxes on top is over 7' 6" which means I pay double "overheight" charges on all the ferries. That starts to get a bit dear, but it's too much hassle to take all that stuff on and off, so I'm going to let the ferry fares settle a bit. They're all in Canadian dollars, mind you, currently trading at about 23 cents to the US buck. Or something.

Yesterday I had to hop up on the roof and take the gas cans out. They aren't allowed on Washington State Ferries. Some mean lady at the ticket booth saw "Gas can" written on the front of one the plastic boxes in the roof racks and figured it out. She made me take them out. But then the guy who was watching me crawl around on the roof of the van said not to worry about it, because there had never been gas in them.

Wonder what heinous ferry disaster inspired that rule.

Not much interesting to report. I finished my weekly Local Knowledge report for Swell.Cloud yesterday and sent that baby in. It's the shit, as the kids say. Chock full of the good stuff.

I also sent that copy to my editor Takashi Osanai at Surfin' Life Japan, for whom I write a monthly report. (I sent them a photo of myself at 24. No suspenders. Suckers! You so smaht, who win World War II?)

Takashi responded in broken English.

Hi Ben,

thank you for the mail

Is it report for next month ?

Or, will you send another one for me ?

Please let me know.

Also, I hope you will write more popular scene like about top of Californian surfer, about new surfboards and clothing and so on.

I think, your report is very deep.

I always read it with deep interest.

But, it's too difficult for our reader to have an interest, because almost of them is still teenager.

I need more popular elements for Monthly California report.

How do you think od my request ?

Thank you very much

Takashi

Oh yeah, teenagers. Um, top of Californian surfer popular scene.

Clothes. Uh, I'm 40 and wear suspenders?

I should write all of my columns in that weird Japanglish, but not even I could figure out how to fake it.

Anyway. I'm working with a copy editor in Pacifica to trim the the Greg Noll story down to manageable size for H20. And they're going to try and print my digital photos from the floppy discs I sent.

Hey, I'm a surf photographer! My IQ just dropped 40 points, and I have nasty dreams about my first cousin.

Now I understand Tom Servais. (Sorry Gilley. Your cool)

Anyone out there have anything interesting to report?

I'm not very interesting, but I know interesting people.

And I know lots of interesting rumors.

Benjamin "Ben" Marcus