These are the Chronicles of Famous Surf Writer Ben Marcus and his trip into the Wilds of the Alaskan Frontier.
Latest Update: November 13, 2000

NOVEMBER 12, 2000 13:29 BC TIME ROOM 106 OF THE TOFINO MOTEL

Shoot, I just got Hitchcocked.

I bought a croissant sandwich from a little cafŽ just around the corner from the Storm Surf Shop in Tofino. I put the sandwich down, in a paper bag, somewhere and went into the van to get a pen and piece of paper for interviewing the surf shop guys. When I turned around, the paper bag was gone. My coffee was there, but my breakfast was gone. I was confused until I saw a bunch of big ravens squawking and fighting.

"Shoot, I just got Hitchcocked," I said to myself, then saw two pieces of tomato lying on the ground. They got the rest: buttery croissant, ham, cheese.

That was my sandwich, damn it. Stupid birds. Forgetting that I was back in civilization with lots of people around, and not out in the Yukon, I pulled out Mr. Walther and blasted them, then said my all time favorite Mae West line.

"Oooo, down in a shower of feathers."

Naw, I did nothing of the sort. I just yelled at the birds a little, then went in and ordered another sandwich.

I did a little work today. This morning I managed to find the legendary Flea Virostko on the phone and interviewed him for a swell.com almanac entry.

After getting another sandwich I also talked to the guy at the surf shop and started to get the scoop on the Vancouver Island surf scene.

There definitely is a surf scene here in Tofino. There are two surf shops and two surf schools and a lot of people walking around and driving around with surfboards. I'm going to try to talk to everyone involved in this surf scene and see if I can write something interesting.

I'm going to stay here tonight, then drive home tomorrow, most likely. There are a lot of people in Tofino right now, considering that it's a stormy weekend in November. I guess this was a three-day holiday, which I wasn't aware of.

This morning I went online and sent a little brainstorm to Saturday Night Live, Who Wants to be a Millionaire and Live With Regis. It's a goofy idea that could be a very funny skit.

The e-mail went something like this:

WHO WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?

Let Regis decide.

Maybe the best way to solve this contested mess of an election-better than holding up pieces of cardboard to the light-is to place Al Gore and George Bush in front of America's most beloved TV personality, on America's most popular prime time game show.

WHO WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?

Let Regis Philbin take over from Jim Lehrer as the moderator, firing multiple choice questions at Gore and Bush: constitutional law, foreign policy, domestic issues, anything pertinent to determine who has the gray matter to be president.

Equal chance for Gore and Bush: Phone a friend, ask the audience, etc. etc.

First one to a million dollars becomes Leader of the Free World.

Think of the ratings. Think of the ad revenue. You could put the ad revenue in a presidential election fund that would eliminate the need for soft money for the next 20 years.

Probably a fairer system than what they are doing right now.

I thought it was kind of funny. Maybe SNL will bite.

The 49ers are up by 7 and they just got a touchdown called back.

It's time to get to work. I stole a profile on Jack O'Neill from Drew Kampion, revised it a little (with his permission) and sent it in to swell. I have to finish the Flea Virostko almanac entry and then start writing the intro and entries for South by Northwest.

I still have to finish that Jeff Clark interview, and I might call Alex Peabody and Tom Powers to interview them about Moss Landing and Scott's Creek, respectively.

That should kill the rest of the day. I'll send this as soon as I take some photos.

Bye bye.

Benjamin "Ben" Marcus

NOVEMBER 13, 2000 11:37 BC TIME ROOM 106 OF THE TOFINO MOTEL

Much as I hate to tear myself away from CNN, I gotta get out of here. Gotta hit the road, poke around Tofino, take some photos, talk to some people then get down to the south end of Vancouver Island. I might go by Jordan River, or maybe wait until a swell comes up before I go there.

Last night I finished the Flea Virostko almanac entry, but didn't progress much on South by Northwest. I started to write the intro, but it turned into a novel.

It might not gel until I get to my mom's. We'll see.

Tried to call Ken Bradshaw last night because I had heard he'd broken his leg while towing at Phantoms. Couldn't find him.

Swell hasn't yet put up the Local Knowledge column I wrote several days ago, so they can't be all that pushed.

Greta van Susteren is rambling on. There is a lot of sound and fury about all this messed up election, but it really doesn't signify much. America isn't being destabilized. This is just another test for democracy, which democracy is going to pass.

It is a mess though. They should let Regis decide all the marbles.

Gotta go. It's nice and sunny outside.

Do do do. Lookin' out my back window.

I have to stop drinking so much coffee.

Bye.