Latest Update: September 5, 2001 by Ben Marcus

12:30 ALASKA TIME WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 5, 2001 THE PIPELINE CLUB

MONEY
Lots of gas money.

I'm back in Valdez, at the Pipeline Club, and I'm pissed. I'm going to write another "thretaen to sue" letter and see what happens. Every once in a while amid all this confusion and running around I think about my DVDs and how much time and money I invested into them.

Thousands of dollars, lots of hours. Lots of good movie. I was doing a nice thing, the right thing, entertaining a bunch of Turks who were far from home, and for that I get ripped off.

Quite literally, if I found the person who took them, and circumstances were right, I wold take out Madame Winchester and put one through his chest. I hate getting ripped off, and I think the Islamic custom of cutting off a thieves' hands is exactly correct.

I've been thinking that if I ever catch someone ripping me off I'm going to take out all my pent-up, got ripped off anger and vent it on that person.
[The letter that was here has been excised from the journal for reasons beyonnd Sacklunches control.]

So, how does that sound? I am taking out all my DVD anger and Russia Trip anger, but I do feel a little burned by it all. I gave them the title and tracked down the guy who owns it, and I figure I should get something, no? Am I wrong? Let me know.

So that's my latest little shitstorm, and it comes on the heels of the one I sent yesterday.

Apparently Bill Sharp sent my fake Surf News copy to Nick Carroll and Nick sent me an e-mail wondering if I am "mental."

I don't know, define "mental."

Nick also kind of liked the BORED! proposal and said he would pass it on to any producers he might know.

So, that's where I stand right now. I'm in the Pipeline Club and I'm tired and it's 1:35 on Wednesday morning. Madonna is singing about Mr. DJ and there are people snowboarding on the TV.

I got into Valdez at around 23:30 and went straight to the plant. They were working so I suited up and was ready to go cut fish when people started walking out, saying they were done.

That was cool. I wanted to come here and write the above letter, which had been fuming in my head from Anchorage to Valdez, a long drive.

Before I came here, I brought in my surprisingly small box of Patagonia stuff and dumped it all out on the table. There were two fishing vests and two wading jackets and two pairs of wading boots and several pairs of socks and two pairs of waders and three pairs of pants and a bunch of other stuff and it all fit in there like clowns in a circus car.

It came out on the table in the dining room, and it was nice.

The one Turkish guy who is very pretty and talks sweet and funny like the Andy Kaufmann character on Taxi asked me if "These t'ings they are for sales?"

I said they weren't and I was sorry and when I told the guys how much it was all worth they were shocked. "I go to college one year for that much money!"

But I said I got a great deal on it and I think they understood. They were all happy to see me and I was glad to see them. Alaska is a very lonely place when you get out of the cities. I stopped by Sourdough Joes on the way through Glenallen and plugged this into his phone, but it didn't work. Sourdough Joe and I talked a bit and then I drove to Valdez, which took about two hours.

Anyway, I flashed all that Patagonia swag in the dining room and got some funny looks from a bunch of guys earning $6 an hour and it's not hard to understand why someone would steal $1000 worth of DVDs from me. I'd still shoot the fucker with a 12 gauge rifled slug if I had the chance, but I shouldn't be flashing all that swag in front of desperate men. I trust the Turks. It's the others I don't trust.

The drive to from Anchorage to Glenallen was uneventful. It's a spectacular drive when the weather is good but it was raining again today, so the miles just rolled by as I fumed about this and that. Too much time to think.

The other project I thought about might be pretty good. I'm going to write yet another pitch that would be called something like:

The Red Bull/(Your surf industry name here) Mid-Summer Totally BoarderCrossOver Tidal Phenomenon Invitational Team Challenge.

Something like that.

The RD/(YSINH)MSTBOCTPITC could be a combined snowboard/tidal bore event at the Alyeska Prince Resort sometime next spring or early summer. I don't know how long the snow stays good in Alaska, but I suspect it stays until at least June. It would be fun to hold this on the longest day of the year, when it probably stays light until midnight in Girdwood.

The event would be a Team Challenge, in which all of the "Action Sports" companies would field a two-person team with one hot snowboarder who can kind of surf, and one hot surfer who can kind of snowboard.

The snowboard competition could be anything, or a variety of disciplines. I don't know anything about snowboarding, although I have seen those "Board-O-Cross" events where everyone takes off on a run and it's every Man for Himself.

That would inspire the Tidal Bore Challenge. I can see 10 or 20 guys all doing a Le Mans start as the bore approaches. They run from the beach and paddle like crazy to get the best position on the oncoming bore. Then they pick it up and ride it as far as they can, and the Last Man Standing wins. No points, just distance.

This isn't a Free for All. No physical contact is allowed and those who collide are disqualified.

So you'd have 10 or 20 guys milking this wave as far as they can, finding and fighting for the sweet spots.

You'd have to see the set-up to appreciate the spectacle this will be. The wave goes along the highway for two miles and I can imagine that entire two miles turning into a gladiator pit, with thousands of mid-summer Alaskans screaming encouragement as 20 guys fight each other and this weird wave, to make it all the way to the Third Parking Lot.

You could run this over several days on increasingly intense tidal bores and it would be an elimination event. Start with a Three Star day and then a Four Star Day and end with a Five Star day.

Not sure how you would eliminate surfers from the Tidal Bore thing, but it could go from 16 guys to 8 guys to 4 guys over three days.

So a combined snowboard/tidal bore event, in the middle of summer, with all of Anchorage coming down to check out the action.

I would think some Action Sports company would be all over this, and Red Bull is already involved with the resort.

I'm going to write it up and see what happens. Surely one of these ideas will hit.

Well this morning I woke up near Fed Ex and was lucky to get my package. They would have returned it on Friday but they were too busy.

When the lady brought the box out I couldn't believe how small it was, because I had at least 15 items in there, including two pairs of boots, two pairs of waders, two fishing vests, two wading jackets, three pairs of pants, two capilene shirts and lots of socks.

But it was all in there. I went to Kinkos a couple of times and took care of this and that.

I sent an e-mail to all the surf industry big-wigs, trying to get someone to talk to me about the Specialty Event deal.

Also got a good response from Pat O'Neill on a Santa Cruz interview. Everyone is gearing up for the Trade Show, so a lot of this may have to wait until after.

I'm going to ask Scott if I can turn in the Santa Cruz article after the Tidal Bore thing. That may give us something to do in the off-hours. I'll bore Curt and Eric and Colin and Mark to tears by reading them the 12,000 word whopper.

It helps to read the stuff to others sometimes.

So that's it for now. Nothing but trouble from the Pipeline Club in Valdez, Alaska.

I'd like to hear from anyone on whether that letter to S is heavy-handed or not.

I think I'm right on this deal and so does Mr. Dagget. We'll see what they do.

This bar is closing. Got to go.

Caught a glimpse of the XXL Video on Bluetorch.

I wonder who would be interested in televising the RD/(YSINH)MSTBOCTPITC????

10:12 ALASKA TIME WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 5, 2001 BEAR PAW RV RESORT

Causing trouble all morning. Sent the Jay Dagget letter to Shanti and wondering about her response.

Got an e-mail from Chris Mauro, who I completely slagged in the fake Surf News copy, and he loved it.

Shit.

Did the Germans love it when we bombed Dresden? They weren't supposed to.

Benny,

That was fucking classic. People were looking at me strange 'cause I was keeling over in my office yesterday.

Chris

He wasn't insulted, so I was.

Chris

What?

It was supposed to be insulting.

You're supposed to be pissed.

Oh well.

I tried.

I wonder if those guys will actually distribute it at the Trade Show?

I wonder who those guys are?

Life is very mysterious.

Nothing worse than a guy being a good sport. I should have insulted someone else.

Now watch, Shanti will probably get all apologetic and offer me $10,000 for the Mirror title.

Damn. What's a guy got to do to piss people off.

I'd better get into the Fish Factory. "Big Mike" growled at me this morning and asked if I was going to "put in a full day."

I said that I was.

13:41 ALASKA TIME WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 5, 2001 BEAR PAW RV PARK

Gotta get to work. I'm in the Bear Paw checking on all my hate mail and e-mail and everything else.

Nothing from Shanti yet. Chris Mauro loved the Surf News thing. Nick Carrol laughed and said Surf Industry criticism was a dying art.

Sheesh. I just went to the Valdez Tours office and bought a videotape about the 1964 Alaska earthquake. Wow. They included the footage from that ship in the middle of Valdez Harbor, which is hair-raising.

You have to wonder about building all this oil paraphernalia where such a big earthquake occurred, but they say they know what they are doing.

Got an kind of angry e-mail from a TV guy who I want to help me with THE RED BULL/(your surf industry name here) MID-SUMMER LONGEST DAY BOARDERCROSSOVER TURNAGAIN ARM TIDAL PHENOMENON BORE RIDING INVITATIONAL TEAM CHALLENGE

He didn't want to be involved because he thought we would be a cross-purposes. Hopefully I assuaged him.

Here is the total pitch for that above-named event.

Anyone? Anyone?

PROPOSAL FOR:

THE RED BULL/(your surf industry name here) MID-SUMMER LONGEST DAY BOARDERCROSSOVER TURNAGAIN ARM TIDAL PHENOMENON BORE RIDING INVITATIONAL TEAM CHALLENGE

Something like that.

The RD/(YSINH)MSLDBCOTATPBRITC could be a combined snowboard/tidal bore event at the Alyeska Prince Resort in Girdwood, Alaska, sometime next spring or early summer.

COMBINING SNOWBOARDING AND SURFING (AND MUSIC) I was thinking that a tidal bore event would be cool, but not enough to fill a day.

A combined snowboarding/surfing event would fill the day, with music filling in the night.

This could be an annual thing and a very popular, big-thinking Alaska institution, done with Alyeska Prince style.

TIME AND TIDE.

SEA AND SKI.

MOUNTAIN AND WAVE

The ideal stretch of days will be like an eclipse, or the planets aligning.

We're looking for a combination of natural phenomena:

Five days of peak tidal bore days, preferably with two bores a day, with the peak "Five Star" bores coming on the weekend.

Lots of sunlight.

Good snow in the mountains.

I'm thinking the farther into summer we look, the easier it will be to find something like this, because of the light.

I don't know how long the snow stays good in Alaska, but I suspect it stays until at least early June.

TIDAL CHARTS

I need to find tidal charts for 2002, to find five days of ideal tides in April, May or June.

THE LONGEST DAY

It would be fun to hold this on the longest day of the year, when it probably stays light until midnight in Girdwood. But it all depends on the tides and the snow.

TEAM CHALLENGE

The event would be a Team Challenge, in which 8 or 12 of the "Action Sports" companies would field a two-person team with one hot snowboarder who can kind of surf, and one hot surfer who can kind of snowboard.

BOARDERCROSS, OR WHATEVER

The snowboard competition could be anything, or a variety of disciplines.

I don't know anything about snowboarding, although I have seen those "BoarderCross" events where everyone takes off on a run and it's every Man for Himself. Fun. The whole Survivor thing.

Maybe there is some weirdo snowboard event that would match the weirdness of guys riding a tidal bore.

Avalanche boarding? Something like that.

THE TIDAL BORE CHALLENGE

The BoarderCross idea would inspire the Tidal Bore Challenge.

20 MEN ENTER, ONE MAN WINS

I can see 10 or 20 guys all doing a Le Mans start off the mud flat at the First Parking Lot as the bore approaches. They run from the beach and paddle like crazy to get the best position on the oncoming bore. Then they pick it up and ride it as far as they can, and the Last Man Standing wins.

No style points, just distance.

JUDGING

This isn't a Rollerball, Free for All. No physical contact is allowed and those who collide are disqualified.

It's a No Fault Disqualification rule. If you get bumped, you are out. So you have to avoid as you proceed. Again, the Survivor thing.

So you'd have 10 or 20 guys milking this wave as far as they can, finding and fighting for the sweet spots. It's a legitimate small-wave challenge. Guys will get into it.

ALASKAN GLADIATOR PIT

You'd have to see the set-up to appreciate the spectacle this will be. The wave goes along the highway for two miles and I can imagine that entire two miles turning into a gladiator pit, with thousands of mid-summer-light-energized Alaskans screaming for blood as 20 guys fight each other and this weird wave, to make it all the way from the First Parking Lot to the Third Parking Lot.

MULTI-DAY ELIMINATION EVENT

You could run this over several days on increasingly intense tidal bores and it would be an elimination event.

Start with everyone on a Three Star day and then eliminate half to the Four Star Day and end with a Five Star day, preferably on Sunday.

If there are two tidal bores a day, the morning bore could be a repercharge deal. Give guys a second chance.

ELIMINATIONS

Not sure how you would eliminate surfers from the Tidal Bore thing, but it could go from 16 guys to 8 guys to 4 guys over three days. Or 24 guys to 12 guys to 6 guys to 3 guys over four days.

Not sure how many guys you can fit on that wave, but it's more than 50 yards wide.

It will be a Free For All on the first day, but as it whittles down to fewer guys, the surfing will get much better. Think of four of the world's best small-wave surfers, going nuts on this wave, for two miles.

This would be SO COOL! Trust me.

TRAFFIC CONTROL

You'd need lots of traffic control because the road along Girdwood is the busiest stretch of highway in Alaksa. But it would only be an hour a day, in the afternoon.

This is Alaska. People are a little looser about such things. They like excitement.

Just have to work with the Girdwood State Troopers.

PARTY AND PROMOTION

You get local radio and ABC Alaska and everyone behind this. Hype the heck out of it all over Alaska and the world, and point everyone at the Alyeska Prince Resort.

It's a nice place to stay, and this is the way to fill it for a summer weekend.

MID-SUMMER "SURF NIGHT" PARTY

In conjunction with the snowboarding and bore-riding events, have a mid-summer "Surf Night" party with surf movies and snowboard movies and barbequed salmon and funny drinks and everyone goes nuts, the way they do in Scandinavia.

Alaskans could rub elbows with famous surfers, watch cool movies and have a ball.

INVITE JEWELL AND CHRIS ISAAK

Jewell surfs and she's from Homer. She might get into this.

Chris Isaak surfs and likes Alaska.

A combined Jewell/Chris Isaak concert on a mid-summer's night in Alaska?

I'd buy that for a dollar.

The whole state would show up.

People would come up from the Lower 48. Trust me.

Russians would swim over.

TELEVISION

I would think that Fox or ESPN or EXPN would be all over this.

It's extreme and weird and very photogenic and exciting.

And when TV gets involved, everyone gets interested.

CO-SPONSOR WITH RED BULL?

I would think that Quiksilver or some Action Sports company that sells surfing and snowboarding gear would be all over this, too.

Red Bull is already involved with a snowboarding event at the Alyeska Prince Hotel. They might want a co-sponsor.

Anyway, there it is. Gotta get to work, cutting fish.

Ben