Latest
Update: September 13, 2001 by Ben Marcus
14:19
ALASKA TIME THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 13, 2001 THE DORM ROOM
Oops.
I think the Iraqis or Osama bin Laden have invaded my computer.
For some reason all the files and MPEGS I sent for September 12
were rejected by just about everyone for a virus. I scanned it
and found nothing.
Now
I am rewriting this because the dispatch I wrote a few hours ago
about today and last night disappeared.
It's
afternoon on Thursday. The Turks have my van and are driving it,
after Ufuk jammed the ignition by turning the steering wheel too
hard, and then unjammed the ignition by kicking the tire to unjam
the steering wheel. Ufuk is driving, picking up the other terrorƒ
I mean Turks.
I
told him, "Low and slow." And none of them seem to think it is
funny when I make fun of them looking like terrorists.
Ufuk
will be driving part of the way, because I'm beat.
We've
gone back to rainy Alaska, and rainy Alaska sucks.
Earlier
I took Ufuk and the other Turk to the bank and Eagle Foods. Outside
of Eagle Foods, Ufuk took a metal box cutter out of his pocket
and handed it to me. "I don't need this."
No
indeed. He didn't seem to know that the hijackers had taken those
planes using box cutters. This one was metal. I don't know what
the hijackers used.
Ay
yi yi.
Dan
Rather is talking on CBS and there's a woman reporting from New
York wearing a cotton respirator and talking about "a cloud."
I think I'd be wearing more than a respirator.
I'm
in Valdez but not for long. Got here this morning after driving
back from Anchorage last night.
I
got out of Anchorage okay and was planning to drive to Glenallen
and then rest.
I
stopped about 60 miles from Glenallen because I was so tired.
I pulled up to the Grizzly Rest Stop or something like that, intending
to sleep for a few hours then push on.
Well
I ran down the battery somehow, and ended up sleeping in the front
seat under two blankets until daybreak. The trees are turning
color and it was a beautiful morning. This is Alaska, don't forget.
There
were tow trucks all around and other vehicles and I thought I'd
have to wait for someone to wake up.
Somehow
there was a battery charger sitting out in the parking lot, so
I hooked up my extension cord and charged the battery and got
out of there.
Made
it into Valdez around 9:30 and rallied the troops. It's all Turks
now. Five of them, and all of them very glad to be getting the
hell out of yucky Alaska. I can't blame them.
We
loaded the van with me looking over my shoulder constantly, in
case dipshit showed up. He didn't. I was ready. I had the spray
can shaken and capless in my pocket, and the shotgun with a round
near the chamber and ready to go in.
Shooting
him in the ass would hurt, hurt, hurt and not kill, kill, kill.
So
now it's 14:27 and we're fixing to leave by 15:00. Ike will stay
here because Jake and Matt have fallen for him, surprise, surprise.
It
looks like Colin and Mark won't be coming for the tidal bore deal,
but that's no surprise. So everything is off, after all that planning
and all those e-mails.
Oh
well, I'm going to get out of Alaska and go somewhere warmer.
Not
sure what I'm going to do now. Just continue wandering, I guess.
I
hope they'll let me back across the Canadian border.
I'll
get a photo of my Turkish friends before the end of today. They
are an interesting sight. You look at them and tell me what you
would do if you were Airport Security.
Oh
and in other moose news, this morning in Glenallen I heard on
the radio that a man was killed near Palmer when he ran into a
moose on his Harley Davidson.
Moose
are a real problem here. Last night, approaching Anchorage, there
was another great big bull moose on the side of the road, undaunted
by traffic. As we passed it was moving toward the road, and I
could see it crossing in my rear-view mirror.
I
think it stopped traffic.
12:00
ALASKA TIME FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 14, 2001 KINKOS ON DIMON BLVD
Kinkos.
I'm back at Kinkos.
Two
of the Turks are at CompUSA, looking for Flight Simulator software
for some reason.
That's
not funny.
The
other three Turks out of here last night without incident, on
Continental.After driving six hours from Valdez (through lovely
fall color) I spent about an hour driving around and around the
South Terminal at Anchorage International, waiting for the Young
Turks to talktheir way onto a flight.
At
one point the radio took pity on me and played a rousing version
of Ravel's Bolero, which happens to be a pretty good song for
driving around and around in circles at an airport crawling with
cops: repetition and drama, you see.
We
made it here okay, leaving Valdez around 16:00 in driving rain
and with no further Big Mike incidents.
While
waiting for the Young Turks to get organized, I did a Recon of
Big Mike's trailer and saw several prankish retribution opportunities.
If
I were really clever, I'd rig a pump between the outhouse and
his trailer, and shower him with tough love.
Firecrackers
through the window might be good, especially with a padlock on
the outside of the door. Hopefully the trailer wouldn't light
on fire and torch him. Hopefully not. Sort of.
Attaching
manacles to his legs and dragging him over Thompson Pass might
work, too. Although he is so damned big he might wreck my tow
hook.
We
shall see about all of this. Depends on mood. And after this trip
to Alaska, the mood is not good.
There
were no moose sighting on the way out of Valdez, with some of
the Turks chanting, "Faster! Faster!" and others shouting "Slower!
Slower!" The weather got a lot better over Thompson Pass and we
found ourselves driving through Fall color on a perfect afternoon.
Alaska
just knocks you out when you aren't expecting it. Fall color could
pacify Osama bin Laden. Someone take him to New Hampshire.
We
stopped at Sourdough Joes n Glenallen where I was eyeing a giant,
4000-cracker brick. But I admitted my prank to Sourdough, and
he wouldn't go for it. Loose Lips Save Ships sometimes.
Then
we just drove. They had lots of cookies and Ufuk drove whenever
I got tired and we went without incident, arriving perfectly at
Anchorage International, at around 22:00.
There
was plenty of security but not too much chaos. Anchorage airport
is a bit like old San Jose airport. Low stress, low volume.
Three
of the Turks got flights, so I took Ufuk and Atcil and we went
to Kinkos for awhile. Sleep got me before I could finish everything,
and we ended up sleeping in the parking lot at Comp USA.
Those
guys are there now buying Flight Simulator softwareƒ No, Atcil
wants a laptop computer, and he says they have one there for $800.
After
that we're going to get on down to Girdwood to watch the bore
at 14:30. It's only a Three Star, but I think they'll like it.
Then I'm going to bring them back here at 16:00 to get in line
for Stand By flights.
And
if they take off, then I'm going to be solo. Ike is in Valdez.
Van is empty.
I'll
probably spend the weekend around Girdwood working on the Santa
Cruz article, then head out of here on Monday or whenever it's
done.
This
whole trip to Alaska was a tremendous bust: No Russia. No Bore.
Lost all my DVD's. Spent tons of money. Got shoved around by a
big moose.
Oh
well.
On
the bright side: I'm about to drive through Canada and Montana
and Idaho in the fall, and it all could be worse. At least I'm
on the road.
Hope
this makes it through all the virus detectors.
Ben
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