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Latest Update: September 13, 2001 by Ben Marcus

14:19 ALASKA TIME THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 13, 2001 THE DORM ROOM

Oops. I think the Iraqis or Osama bin Laden have invaded my computer. For some reason all the files and MPEGS I sent for September 12 were rejected by just about everyone for a virus. I scanned it and found nothing.

Now I am rewriting this because the dispatch I wrote a few hours ago about today and last night disappeared.

It's afternoon on Thursday. The Turks have my van and are driving it, after Ufuk jammed the ignition by turning the steering wheel too hard, and then unjammed the ignition by kicking the tire to unjam the steering wheel. Ufuk is driving, picking up the other terrorƒ I mean Turks.

I told him, "Low and slow." And none of them seem to think it is funny when I make fun of them looking like terrorists.

Ufuk will be driving part of the way, because I'm beat.

We've gone back to rainy Alaska, and rainy Alaska sucks.

Earlier I took Ufuk and the other Turk to the bank and Eagle Foods. Outside of Eagle Foods, Ufuk took a metal box cutter out of his pocket and handed it to me. "I don't need this."

No indeed. He didn't seem to know that the hijackers had taken those planes using box cutters. This one was metal. I don't know what the hijackers used.

Ay yi yi.

Dan Rather is talking on CBS and there's a woman reporting from New York wearing a cotton respirator and talking about "a cloud." I think I'd be wearing more than a respirator.

I'm in Valdez but not for long. Got here this morning after driving back from Anchorage last night.

I got out of Anchorage okay and was planning to drive to Glenallen and then rest.

I stopped about 60 miles from Glenallen because I was so tired. I pulled up to the Grizzly Rest Stop or something like that, intending to sleep for a few hours then push on.

Well I ran down the battery somehow, and ended up sleeping in the front seat under two blankets until daybreak. The trees are turning color and it was a beautiful morning. This is Alaska, don't forget.

There were tow trucks all around and other vehicles and I thought I'd have to wait for someone to wake up.

Somehow there was a battery charger sitting out in the parking lot, so I hooked up my extension cord and charged the battery and got out of there.

Made it into Valdez around 9:30 and rallied the troops. It's all Turks now. Five of them, and all of them very glad to be getting the hell out of yucky Alaska. I can't blame them.

We loaded the van with me looking over my shoulder constantly, in case dipshit showed up. He didn't. I was ready. I had the spray can shaken and capless in my pocket, and the shotgun with a round near the chamber and ready to go in.

Shooting him in the ass would hurt, hurt, hurt and not kill, kill, kill.

So now it's 14:27 and we're fixing to leave by 15:00. Ike will stay here because Jake and Matt have fallen for him, surprise, surprise.

It looks like Colin and Mark won't be coming for the tidal bore deal, but that's no surprise. So everything is off, after all that planning and all those e-mails.

Oh well, I'm going to get out of Alaska and go somewhere warmer.

Not sure what I'm going to do now. Just continue wandering, I guess.

I hope they'll let me back across the Canadian border.

I'll get a photo of my Turkish friends before the end of today. They are an interesting sight. You look at them and tell me what you would do if you were Airport Security.

Oh and in other moose news, this morning in Glenallen I heard on the radio that a man was killed near Palmer when he ran into a moose on his Harley Davidson.

Moose are a real problem here. Last night, approaching Anchorage, there was another great big bull moose on the side of the road, undaunted by traffic. As we passed it was moving toward the road, and I could see it crossing in my rear-view mirror.

I think it stopped traffic.

12:00 ALASKA TIME FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 14, 2001 KINKOS ON DIMON BLVD

Kinkos. I'm back at Kinkos.

Two of the Turks are at CompUSA, looking for Flight Simulator software for some reason.

That's not funny.

The other three Turks out of here last night without incident, on Continental.After driving six hours from Valdez (through lovely fall color) I spent about an hour driving around and around the South Terminal at Anchorage International, waiting for the Young Turks to talktheir way onto a flight.

At one point the radio took pity on me and played a rousing version of Ravel's Bolero, which happens to be a pretty good song for driving around and around in circles at an airport crawling with cops: repetition and drama, you see.

We made it here okay, leaving Valdez around 16:00 in driving rain and with no further Big Mike incidents.

While waiting for the Young Turks to get organized, I did a Recon of Big Mike's trailer and saw several prankish retribution opportunities.

If I were really clever, I'd rig a pump between the outhouse and his trailer, and shower him with tough love.

Firecrackers through the window might be good, especially with a padlock on the outside of the door. Hopefully the trailer wouldn't light on fire and torch him. Hopefully not. Sort of.

Attaching manacles to his legs and dragging him over Thompson Pass might work, too. Although he is so damned big he might wreck my tow hook.

We shall see about all of this. Depends on mood. And after this trip to Alaska, the mood is not good.

There were no moose sighting on the way out of Valdez, with some of the Turks chanting, "Faster! Faster!" and others shouting "Slower! Slower!" The weather got a lot better over Thompson Pass and we found ourselves driving through Fall color on a perfect afternoon.

Alaska just knocks you out when you aren't expecting it. Fall color could pacify Osama bin Laden. Someone take him to New Hampshire.

We stopped at Sourdough Joes n Glenallen where I was eyeing a giant, 4000-cracker brick. But I admitted my prank to Sourdough, and he wouldn't go for it. Loose Lips Save Ships sometimes.

Then we just drove. They had lots of cookies and Ufuk drove whenever I got tired and we went without incident, arriving perfectly at Anchorage International, at around 22:00.

There was plenty of security but not too much chaos. Anchorage airport is a bit like old San Jose airport. Low stress, low volume.

Three of the Turks got flights, so I took Ufuk and Atcil and we went to Kinkos for awhile. Sleep got me before I could finish everything, and we ended up sleeping in the parking lot at Comp USA.

Those guys are there now buying Flight Simulator softwareƒ No, Atcil wants a laptop computer, and he says they have one there for $800.

After that we're going to get on down to Girdwood to watch the bore at 14:30. It's only a Three Star, but I think they'll like it. Then I'm going to bring them back here at 16:00 to get in line for Stand By flights.

And if they take off, then I'm going to be solo. Ike is in Valdez. Van is empty.

I'll probably spend the weekend around Girdwood working on the Santa Cruz article, then head out of here on Monday or whenever it's done.

This whole trip to Alaska was a tremendous bust: No Russia. No Bore. Lost all my DVD's. Spent tons of money. Got shoved around by a big moose.

Oh well.

On the bright side: I'm about to drive through Canada and Montana and Idaho in the fall, and it all could be worse. At least I'm on the road.

Hope this makes it through all the virus detectors.

Ben

 

 



TRAVELS WITH IKE

September 13, 2001
September 10, 2001
September 9, 2001
September 8, 2001
September 7, 2001
September 5, 2001
September 3, 2001
September 2, 2001
August 31, 2001
August 30, 2001

August 29, 2001
August 28, 2001

August 25, 2001
August 21, 2001
August 20, 2001
August 18, 2001
August 17, 2001
August 16, 2001
August 15, 2001
August 12, 2001
August 10-11, 2001
August 9, 2001
August 8, 2001
August 7, 2001
August 6, 2001
August 5, 2001
August 4, 2001
August 2, 2001
August 1a, 2001
August 1, 2001
July 31, 2001
July 30, 2001
July 29, 2001
July 28, 2001
July 27, 2001
July 24-27, 2001
July 22, 2001
July 18-20, 2001
July 18, 2001
July 17, 2001
July 16, 2001
July 15, 2001
July 13, 2001
July 12, 2001
July 10, 2001
July 9, 2001
July 8, 2001
July 5, 2001
July 4, 2001
July 3, 2001
July 2, 2001
July 1 a, 2001
July 1, 2001
June 30, 2001

June 28, 2001
June 25-26, 2001
June 24, 2001
June 23, 2001
June 22, 2001
June 21, 2001
June 20, 2001
June 19, 2001
June 18, 2001
June 17-18, 2001
June 16, 2001
June 15, 2001
June 14 , 2001

NORTH COAST
March 14, 2001
March 11, 2001

March 8, 2001
March 4, 2001
March 3, 2001
March 1, 2001
February 20, 2001
February 19, 2001
February 18, 2001
February 17, 2001
February 16, 2001


ALASKA 2000
November 19, 2000
November 18, 2000

November 15, 2000
November 14, 2000
November 14, 2000
November 12-13, 2000
November 11, 2000
November 9, 2000
November 8, 2000
November 4-6, 2000
November 3, 2000
November 1, 2000
October 31, 2000
October 29, 2000
October 27, 2000
October 26, 2000
October 25, 2000
October 22, 2000
October 22, 2000
October 21, 2000
October 19, 2000
October 17, 2000
October 16, 2000
October 16, 2000
October 14, 2000
October 12, 2000
October 11, 2000
October 10, 2000
October 10, 2000
October 9, 2000
October 8, 2000
October 7, 2000
October 6, 2000
October 6, 2000
October 5, 2000
October 4, 2000
October 3, 2000
October 2, 2000
October 1, 2000
September 30, 2000
September 29, 2000
September 28, 2000
September 27, 2000
September 25, 2000
September 24, 2000
September 23, 2000
September 22, 2000
September 21, 2000
September 21, 2000
September 20, 2000
September 19, 2000
September 19, 2000
September 18, 2000
September 17, 2000
September 16, 2000
September 15, 2000
September 15, 2000
September 14, 2000
September 13, 2000
September 12, 2000
September 10, 2000
September 10, 2000
September 8, 2000

September 8, 2000

PHOTOS
October 1, 2000
October 1, 2000
September 27, 2000

 

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