Ben In LA
Latest Update: July 31 , 2004

FLEA CIRCUS

When Hollywood and the surfing world mix, confusion and chaos reign. So it was at the Hollywood premiere for Stacy Peralta's Riding Giants which went off, dude, at the Egyptian Theater on Tuesday evening, the 6th of July, year of our Lord 2004.

Cocktails started at 7:00, in that clean, high-walled, well-lighted area of privilege between the peering rabble out on Hollywood Boulevard, and the crypt-like entrance to the Egyptian. There were a lot of surf stars and a few movie stars and a few in between. Surfer/writer/director/gazillionaire Chris Carter was there, along with fellow Malibu Mafioso and Point Dume Don John C. McGinley. Strangely, Minnie Driver wasn’t there, but there were quite a few semi-starlets flashing a lot of flesh until The Class showed up in the form of Nia Peeples. The star of North Shore: The Movie was on the arm of Riding Giants co-writer Sam George. Surf movie aficionados will be heartened to know Kiani has not aged a minute in 17 years.

There were more surf stars than movie stars: Brad Gerlach, Keith Malloy, Allen Sarlo and Herbie Fletcher were mingling, but the real stars this night were Stacy Peralta, Laird Hamilton, Sam George, Darrick Doerner, Jeff Clark and Greg Noll. These guys spent that hour stumbling about from camera to microphone, learning the perils of PR. These waterman had spent the last month zinging all around the shady turf attending premieres for Riding Giants and doing endless press. Chicago, New York, Honolulu it was all on the same street and by LA they were pros: “We’ve produced enough bullshit to flood the Queen Mary,” Greg Noll said, but he had to admit that he liked what was in the limo, and he just might miss it when this was all over.

And then his wife told a good one on him: “We went to a party in the Hamptons, and it was incredible,” Laura said. “This was a 16-acre estate, with huge tents and everyone lounging around on settees. Well Greg got into a conversation with a stranger. Greg asked, ‘What is your name?’ and the stranger said, “Jimmy Buffet.’ My lovely husband then said, ‘Oh, what do you do?’ and Buffet said, ‘I fish a lot.’ Well Greg and Buffet talked for half an hour and Greg invited him to come fishing up in northern California.”

There were swimming fools and movie stars and the paparazzi line was low intensity until John Cusack showed up. That inspired an E! moment flurry of “This way John! One more, John! Over here, John!” Cusack smoothed his way through the gantlet then went straight for the impossibly healthy and handsome Laird Hamilton and his impossibly lovely and tall wife Gabby Reece, who was balancing with both hands their lovely, blonde, genetically-blessed baby girl. Laird and Gabby mix easily between the two worlds-Hollywood and surfing. Gabby has been in a few movies-most notably as a genetically superior being in GATTACA with Ethan Hawke. She is probably over it but now there are rumors that it is time for the impossibly healthy and handsome Laird Hamilton to Go Big. The camera loves the guy, and he could be The Next Action Star.

During the course of the night I heard two girls chatting about Laird: “If they ever make Barbie: The Movie Laird would make a great Ken,” one Chatty Kathy said, and her friend responded: “Or GI Joe.”

At just after 8:00, the ushers and hard-working PR pro Ekta Ferrar ushered everyone inside The Egyptian which is a big, thoroughly modern movie house. The place was packed to the gunwales, but I had a “Reserved” ticket and walked the aisles until I saw two empty seats that had little paper signs reading “Reserved for Flea and Guest.”

I thought, “Flea isn’t here. If he were here he would have gone out of his way to insult me, as is his wont.” I was thinking, of course, of the world famous Darryl “Flea” Virostko, one of California’s best big-wave surfers. He wasn’t there, so I sat down all happy in an aisle seat in the best part of the theater.

That bliss lasted until a nervous usher confronted me.

“I’m sorry sir, but those seats are reserved,” he said.

I flashed my “Reserved’ ticket but he was nonplussed.

I said, “Flea isn’t here. He would have gone out of his way to insult me if he were.”

The usher looked past me to a tall, thin man with dark hair sitting three seats deep in the same aisle. The tall thin man was none other than the world famous Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He is smaller and slimmer in real life than on the big screen. I wanted to say how much I admired his music, that I consider Under the Bridge one of the finest compositions of the second half of the 20th Century. But then my tumblers began to click. Slowly.

Finally, after many embarrassed glances, I had a “Doh!” moment.

I said, “Oh shit, that Flea. The other short, manic tattooed guy. Flea the Bass Player.”

The usher and Anthony Kiedis both nodded politely. I got up as the lights were going down, found a seat at the very front of the theater and got a faceful and an earful of Riding Giants. It was so loud my clothes actually shook, and the crowd got it and loved it, laughed where they should have laughed and applauded in all the right spots. Riding Giants is going to get nominated for an Oscar. You heard it here first.